I'm not big on resolutions.  It's just one more thing on my to-do list...or more accurately my NOT to-do list.

For the last several years, I have seen my fellow bloggers choose One Word that sums up his/her goals for the new year.  I've been hesitant to participate because I'm not a follower and if I do something, it's usually on my terms.

Don't worry.  God is working on me in that area.

For the last several weeks, I have had One Word on my heart.  It keeps coming back again and again.

I'm pretty sure this is God's way of saying, "Hey Erin!!  You can write about it or not write about it...but I am giving you One Word for 2012."

Intentional.

My heart's desire is to be more intentional with my actions, my words and my time.

When I am with my girls, I want to be intentional in how we spend our time together.

When my husband comes home from work and it's late and I am tired, I still want to be intentional with our little time together. 

When I am at work, I want to do my work to the absolute best of my ability.

I want to be more intentional with this space...my blog.

When I am with my friends, I want to focus on our conversation rather than the other hundred things I could be doing.

When I am upset, I want to be intentional about the words I use rather than spout off the first thing that comes to mind.

Moments.

Every moment is a gift.  What I do with that gift is up to me. 

I want to set a good example for my girls.

So my One Word for 2012 is INTENTIONAL.

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."  Colossians 3:17 (NIV)

Hey Ya'll!  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Can we just take a moment and acknowledge that it's 9:00 and the baby is asleep?  Amen and thank you, Lord.  Usually her final bedtime is closer to 10:00 or 11:00.  Which means mom doesn't have any down time..between work full time and mommy-ing until 11:00.  It's a hot mess.

Never let it be said that parenting is easy. 

One other thing before I really start the point of this post.  Are any of you keeping up with Passion 2012 that's currently going on in Atlanta?  If you aren't, I highly recommend this link: http://live.268generation.com/.  Please click over and see the Good News that is happening...right now...for about 45,000 18-25 year olds.  You can catch Francis Chan, John Piper, Louie Giglio, Beth Moore and others.  It's pretty awesome.

So, the last six weeks have been pretty eventful and not just because of the holidays.  Right after Reese got her tubes (she is really doing great, ya'll.  We've had no issues since the procedure!!!), my grandfather passed away.

My dad's dad, John Yonish.

86 years young, he was a gunner in WWII.  The funeral was last week.  Dad and I sang Winter Snow because it was fitting to my grandfather's personality: quiet, soft, happy to stay in the background.  He lived in a nursing home about 8 minutes from my house.

And I never went to visit him.  Not once.

When my grandmother passed away, I was in the 6th grade.  She was awesome and I look eerily just like her.  After she went to be with the Lord, my grandpa just retreated into his own space.  I think he traveled and maybe even moved away for a short time.  As an adult, I can see that he was probably an introvert and really enjoyed his alone time.  As a kid, it seemed like he just disappeared from my life.

In his passing, I realized that I lost the opportunity to have a relationship with someone who probably had some really cool stories; who probably would have been ecstatic to see my kids; who probably would have loved to meet my husband; who probably would have loved me.

My absent relationship wasn't malicious.  I wasn't mad.  I wasn't hurt. 

I just...kind of...forgot he was down the road.

And that...kind of...breaks my heart.

Inside of my heart, I have been processing his passing.  I am sad for what I missed.  I feel guilty that I didn't pursue a relationship with him especially in his last several years.  I wonder if he was lonely. 

I have also been processing the fact that my dad lost his dad the week before Christmas.  That can't be easy. 

I thought it was pretty cool, though, that my grandpa got to be with Jesus on His birthday in Heaven.  I imagine that he and my grandma watched Him blow out his birthday candles together.

After 20 years apart, my grandparents are finally together again.  And regardless of what I missed, that reunion makes me happy.

Today is Reese's half-birthday!

Tomorrow she is getting tubes in her ears.  Yeah, I know that's a crappy half-birthday present.  But she's had six ear infections in less than 11 weeks.  So, maybe it's not so bad afterall.

Since I'm tired and also since we have to at the hospital at 5:30am, I'll just finish this little half-birthday celebration by posting some pictures.

Please pray for her tomorrow....

My favorite from the day :-)

This face kills me...in a good way

Hello chubs

So serious

It's been almost a MONTH since my last post!  How is that even possible?

I guess that's what 4 ear infections in 6 weeks will do for ya....sleepless night, memory loss, temporary insanity.  Reese will be going to an ENT specialist tomorrow so we can establish a relationship with a surgeon and hopefully move in the direction of tubes.  They don't usually do anything until the baby is six months old but {HELLO} she will be six months in December.

Stop my beating heart.  My baby will be six months old next month.

Self-portrait titled The Baby Bjorn View

"look what I can do"



Gram and the Grandkids.  Hey kids...stop having so much fun!



I love these girls!



This is how happy I was at the end of the night.

Also, my blog had a birthday. It turned two years old but, sadly, no one took it out to celebrate.

Shame on me.

So what else happened since my last post? OH YEAH!!

Halloween.

And if the previous one hundred pictures were enough...here's one more. Reese was a baby chick. How do you say adorable in baby-talk?

Reese and her Nanny

Aaaaaaand now, we're caught up.   
 

Oh yeah.  It's 20/20.

In the middle of a storm it can be hard to see the road ahead.   Even when you are trying really hard and leaning up closer to the steering wheel with the wipers swishing as fast as possible.  Then when the storm clears,  it's so easy to see the clear path in the rear-view mirror.  Where you've been and how you got "here" suddenly becomes clear.

Have you ever been there?  Gripping the wheel with sweaty, white knuckles, begging God to help you arrive safely?  And the harder you pray the harder the rain falls?

It's not a good feeling.

I've been there recently and I haven't written about it here on the blog. I'm hesitant to write about it now because it has to do with work.  I believe that if you complain about your boss on say...Facebook or a blog....then you shouldn't be surprised when you get fired.  It's just common sense.

However, I think if I write this from the perspective of the "rear-view mirror," then I can approach this with courtesy and professionalism while sharing what God really did in my heart.  And as you will see further down, it's not really about work.  It's about God using this situation to do a work in me.

In short, I had a supervisor who exhibited less-than-stellar performance.  Without going into very many details,  I went to management regarding this situation and was shocked...no, appalled...that they did not agree with me. 

My job is not rocket science but it does take some proper training and hands-on experience to understand.   Without training, the average person would not understand the intricate procedures or terminology.  I thought maybe management didn't understand what I was saying.

Turned out they understood.  They just didn't agree.  And they thought that I should have not said anything.  And they made it perfectly clear that I was in the wrong.  And they told my supervisor.

I'm sure you can see how this created a strained work environment for me. 

The next few months, were hard.  Really hard.

My supervisor did not make things easy for me but management would not let her fire me.

This is the point that I threw my hands up and looked to God and said, "Really?  I try to do the right thing and THIS is how you repay me?"

I'm still waiting on that response from God, by the way.  There was no response.  Just me.  In the middle of a storm with seemingly nowhere to go.  The wipers couldn't swish fast enough for this storm. 

For what it's worth, I interviewed at other companies and was even in negotiations with one in particular.  When it came right down to it, I didn't feel good about leaving my situation.  I can't explain it to you.  To the outsider, I should have left.  In my heart, it wasn't the right thing to do.

I kept that scripture in Psalms 121 on repeat in my head:


I gave it to Him.  He handled it.  With a quickness.

My work environment is superb.  It's peaceful.  It's rewarding again.  I do what I love again.

My perspective from the rear-view mirror is pretty clear.  I learned that this really isn't about work.  It's about the condition of my heart.  It's about God taking away any entitlement I think I deserve and replacing it with complete surrender.

I think about Jesus on the cross.  I think about how He was tortured, crucified and murdered by the very people He came to save.  He didn't do anything wrong and yet, He received the ultimate punishment.

Why should I be different?   And yet, any suffering that I endured at work is nothing compared to his suffering.  

If you don't believe me, maybe you will believe the Apostle Paul.  Please read Philippians 3. 

Paul, brother, you took the words right out of my mouth.

I like the view from here.  It's not raining anymore and I can see the road...for now. 

What about you?  Are you struggling to find clarity behind the wheel?  Or are you on the other side of the storm?

It mocks me every day as I am getting dressed.

Excuse me for a moment while I wipe the dust off of this little blog.  How about a cute baby picture since I've been away for too long?



Hello cuteness.  I love your face.


Ok...back to the blog.

Wild and crazy things happen when you listen to God.  I would just like to throw that out there to start things off.

This blog will be celebrating it's two year anniversary this month.  It almost never happened because I thought that the world did NOT need another christian-mom-blog.  I'm glad I listened to God and not my own feelings.

Come to find out that the world didn't necessarily NEED another christian-mom blog....but I needed this here blogging community.  I went into this thinking that I had soooooo much to offer when really, it was God's way of placing people in my life.

If you are reading this and you are a blogger...you get it.
If you are reading this and you are not a blogger...you might think that I am coo-coo for cocoa puffs.

I assure you that I am not coo-coo for cocoa puffs.

This world of bloggers is a sort of community where we share aspects of our daily lives.  Some of us share our children.  Some of us share our faith.  Some of us share our pictures. 

All of us share our hearts.

If you read any person's blog for a period of time, you see the world through their eyes.  You get to know them.  You comment on their posts and they respond. 

At some point, a relationship is formed and that person becomes a friend.

That is when it happens...when two worlds collide.

The online world collides with the real world.

Is there a difference between an online friend and an in-real-life friend?  (The technical term for that is IRL...in real life.  It's blogger jargon.  Super fancy, huh?)

This summer, I was lucky enough to spend two days with a fellow blogger.  She was on vacation in Tennessee with family and drove 7 hours (one way!!!!) to meet me in person.   We hung out on my front porch...rocking the baby, talking, listening to the wind blow. 

You know those awkward silences when there is nothing to say?  We had none of those. 

I hijacked these pictures from Reese's facebook page.


Reese and Reese (no relation)



Reese, Reese and Kelsey



Erin, Reese and Reese


This girl?  She confirmed to me that this world of bloggers is made up of real people...with real hearts...and real friendships.  Meeting her was awesome.  We will meet up again even if I have to trek all the way to Oklahoma with two kids in tow. 

I've noticed that many of you have touched on this subject in your own writings.  I wonder if these feelings were brought to light through the passing of sweet, sweet Sara.  How do you tell someone that your heart is broken about the loss of someone you've never met in person? 

I tried explaining it and I got all sorts of crazy looks. 

So I'll just say it here.

This community that we have made?  I am so proud to call you friends.  Wild and crazy things happen when you listen to God...wild and crazy things.

I'll leave you with one more cute baby picture...just for good measure.  I mean, who doesn't love baby drool?

So serious!!!!