Thursday, February 17, 2011

Ch-ch-changes

About two months before Mark and I got married, we decided to buy a house.  Not just any house, though.  It was my parent's house and we decided, in all our infinite premarital wisdom, to gut and remodel the house.

Did I mention the wedding?
And did I mention that we were living in the house at the time of the remodel.

It was awesome and, three years later, the house is totally finished.

Actually, that's a lie.  It is NOT awesome to live in a construction zone and we are far from finished.

When I found out I was pregnant, I knew that we would have to devote our attention to the third bedroom to get it ready for the baby.  Right now, it's a TV room/make-up room/catch-all for things that don't otherwise have a home.

It's also the room that was my bedroom when I was in high school.  My graduation tassel still hangs proudly from the ceiling fan.

I started the arduous task of cleaning out the closet last weekend.  Amid the old plumbing fixtures, Christmas decorations, wedding gifts (yes, I said wedding gifts...shame on me) and outgrown clothes, I found treasures from my high school days.

The ribbon that I used to hang flowers upside down in the dark so they would dry-out. 
This is where I hung the first dozen roses I ever recieved from my boyfriend in the 12th grade.

An original Janice Joplin record.

My poster of the story of Ruth.  I loved this story in high school not because of the beautiful relationship that Ruth had with Naomi...but because Ruth didn't blindly follow the status quo...and because Ruth was a woman who had a whole book in the Bible names after her.  I was such a rebel.

And quotes.  Pages of quotes.

It was as if I stepped into a time-machine and caught  glimpse of the person I was when I was 17 years old. 

I forgot about that girl.

That girl who was so sure that the world was against her.

That girl who was determined not to be anything like what people expected of her.

That girl who was angry and thought that teenage love was so real.

I  remind myself of Belle from Twilight (cliche, I know.).  I didn't love many people...but when I did, I loved those people with a vengance.   

I also over-analyzed everything.  I viewed myself as a 20th century Transcendentalist (think Ralph Waldo Emerson and Henry David Thoreau).  One of my favorite quotes was from HDT and it was #1 on the list I found in my closet:

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away."
-Walden by Thoreau


I still love this quote...but for different reasons.
 
I am saying all of this because the person that I am today is so not that person anymore.  It's funny how life has a way of smoothing the edges, of refining, of teaching.  I don't see things in black-and-white anymore.  I understand that things are not always what they appear to be and that sometimes, there is a place for both conservatism and liberalism.
 
This also parallels with my recurring thoughts regarding this blog...this space where I write about things that I believe to be true.
 
I don't believe that I am the same person who started this blog in 2009.  I feel like I have been crushed and rebuilt.  My passions have changed.  My goals have changed. 
 
I am sure that being pregnant has something to do with these feelings.  But I also feel that growing and maturing plays a part as well.  
 
Oh, I still want everything I do to be for His glory.  But I am figuring out that it might not always look the way I imagined it.  I can take pictures for His glory; I can wash the dishes for His glory; I can parent for His glory.  
 
It's not all pomp and circumstance.  Sometimes it's quiet and unannounced.  But that's life, isn't it?
 
If you have read this blog from the beginning, maybe you already noticed the change.  And if you keep reading, you will probably see more and more changes in my thoughts.
 
Nothing drastic, mind you.  Just a different approach...and different perspective. 
 
Because in the end, He changes us every day.  We are the potter's clay and if we are living with His hands wrapped around us, then we are continually evolving.
 
I will leave you with another quote that I found on my list.  I am sure that I had no idea who she was when I orignally read this.  I am sure that, had I known, I would have kicked it to the curb.  But it just goes to show you God is over all even when you are trying to ignore Him. 
 
"Love is the seed of all hope.  It is the enticement to trust, to risk, to try, to go on."
- Gloria Gaither
 
My grownup self realizes that she probably wasn't talking about teenage love.  And I love that it was there the whole time...and I never even knew it.

My Alabaster Jar

9 comments:

  1. Blogging, as with LIFE so often benefits from a new perspective. I hope the changes you have in mind bring you greater satisfaction, and excitement over what your doing on this blog and just in general! Wishing you the best... :)

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  2. Hey, I like your honesty and the way that you described your growth...personally, spiritually and as a mother and wife. And yes, I agree that we are like clay in the Potter's hands and he is constantly re-shaping us and molding us.

    Have a blessed day!

    Linda @ Truthful Tidbits

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  3. This is me when I clean out things...I return to the 16 year old girl and relive good memories. But it is the bad and good that mold us.

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  4. I never realized how much people do evolve before I blogged. Certainly didn't see it in myself. I've read back over things from just two years ago, and I question who that person was, I can't even fathom meeting a 17-year-old version of myself through a journal. I can however imagine the angst ;-)

    Can't wait to see where your changes lead!

    And a Janice Joplin record? Hello ebay. Might fund some of the renovations?

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  5. it's fun, yes? to actually hold the pieces of your life that changed you, that shaped the you that was. i have a little smile every time i head to my childhood home and i almost always end up bringing back a small reminder of those days...

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  6. I love finding all those old things! I always get stuck when I'm cleaning because of all the memories. Great descriptions!

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  7. Hi Erin! I have come to think that blogging helps to mature one's thinking. Actually seeing one's thoughts written down seems to "wake us up" to what we want and are, inside. I have a Christian Blog and it helps me because I spend a lot of time reading the Bible and different devotionals for my posts. While doing this, God speaks to my spirit and guides me to what HE wants for me and from me.

    Congratulations on your "recent wedding". I pray that God will be included in every aspect of y'all's marriage and everyday life. May He reign down His blessings upon you according to the riches in His glory!

    God Bless!

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  8. OK, I am totally confused. The date we are typing on says the correct date, but when it shows it posted it shows a date about 2 weeks earlier. What's up? LOL!
    PJ

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  9. "Because in the end, He changes us every day."

    Thank you for posting this.

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