I'm not big on resolutions.  It's just one more thing on my to-do list...or more accurately my NOT to-do list.

For the last several years, I have seen my fellow bloggers choose One Word that sums up his/her goals for the new year.  I've been hesitant to participate because I'm not a follower and if I do something, it's usually on my terms.

Don't worry.  God is working on me in that area.

For the last several weeks, I have had One Word on my heart.  It keeps coming back again and again.

I'm pretty sure this is God's way of saying, "Hey Erin!!  You can write about it or not write about it...but I am giving you One Word for 2012."

Intentional.

My heart's desire is to be more intentional with my actions, my words and my time.

When I am with my girls, I want to be intentional in how we spend our time together.

When my husband comes home from work and it's late and I am tired, I still want to be intentional with our little time together. 

When I am at work, I want to do my work to the absolute best of my ability.

I want to be more intentional with this space...my blog.

When I am with my friends, I want to focus on our conversation rather than the other hundred things I could be doing.

When I am upset, I want to be intentional about the words I use rather than spout off the first thing that comes to mind.

Moments.

Every moment is a gift.  What I do with that gift is up to me. 

I want to set a good example for my girls.

So my One Word for 2012 is INTENTIONAL.

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him."  Colossians 3:17 (NIV)

Hey Ya'll!  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

Can we just take a moment and acknowledge that it's 9:00 and the baby is asleep?  Amen and thank you, Lord.  Usually her final bedtime is closer to 10:00 or 11:00.  Which means mom doesn't have any down time..between work full time and mommy-ing until 11:00.  It's a hot mess.

Never let it be said that parenting is easy. 

One other thing before I really start the point of this post.  Are any of you keeping up with Passion 2012 that's currently going on in Atlanta?  If you aren't, I highly recommend this link: http://live.268generation.com/.  Please click over and see the Good News that is happening...right now...for about 45,000 18-25 year olds.  You can catch Francis Chan, John Piper, Louie Giglio, Beth Moore and others.  It's pretty awesome.

So, the last six weeks have been pretty eventful and not just because of the holidays.  Right after Reese got her tubes (she is really doing great, ya'll.  We've had no issues since the procedure!!!), my grandfather passed away.

My dad's dad, John Yonish.

86 years young, he was a gunner in WWII.  The funeral was last week.  Dad and I sang Winter Snow because it was fitting to my grandfather's personality: quiet, soft, happy to stay in the background.  He lived in a nursing home about 8 minutes from my house.

And I never went to visit him.  Not once.

When my grandmother passed away, I was in the 6th grade.  She was awesome and I look eerily just like her.  After she went to be with the Lord, my grandpa just retreated into his own space.  I think he traveled and maybe even moved away for a short time.  As an adult, I can see that he was probably an introvert and really enjoyed his alone time.  As a kid, it seemed like he just disappeared from my life.

In his passing, I realized that I lost the opportunity to have a relationship with someone who probably had some really cool stories; who probably would have been ecstatic to see my kids; who probably would have loved to meet my husband; who probably would have loved me.

My absent relationship wasn't malicious.  I wasn't mad.  I wasn't hurt. 

I just...kind of...forgot he was down the road.

And that...kind of...breaks my heart.

Inside of my heart, I have been processing his passing.  I am sad for what I missed.  I feel guilty that I didn't pursue a relationship with him especially in his last several years.  I wonder if he was lonely. 

I have also been processing the fact that my dad lost his dad the week before Christmas.  That can't be easy. 

I thought it was pretty cool, though, that my grandpa got to be with Jesus on His birthday in Heaven.  I imagine that he and my grandma watched Him blow out his birthday candles together.

After 20 years apart, my grandparents are finally together again.  And regardless of what I missed, that reunion makes me happy.